导师精选：他不够懂你？这样的沟通让感情更长久！

 zaiganqingzhong，womenchangchanghuitingdaonvshengshuo：“womeiyoubanfahetagoutong，zongshizheiyang，yishanglaijiuchaojia。”nanrenhenvrenjiuhaoxianglaizibutongdexingqiu，youzhonghuoxingzhuangdiqiudeganjue，goutongqilaiwangwangbuzaitongyipindao。

jiuhaoxiangwomenshuowojintianhebierenchaojiale，qishizhishixiwangnanshengkeyihonghongziji，anweizijibale。

 ernanshengjiuyijingjiaqileyaojiwomenfenxizheijianshiqingduiyucuodedashile，jinjiezhejiushigaosuwomenxiacizaiyudaozheiyangshishigaizenmechuli。

youzhongnisuiranjilewoyichedechelizi，danwoxiangyaodemingmingshicaomei，nijidedoubushiwoxiangyaode。

 mingmingwoxiangyaodegoutongshinixianbaobaowo、honghongwo，erniyishanglaijiushuojiao，zheiyanggoutongqueshihennanzoudaotongyigepindao，xuqiudoubuyiyang。

dangranhaiyouhenduobutongdeyinsuhuidaozhishuangfangwufazhengchanggoutong。

yinerzaigoutongzhongzhichuwentishibimianshiyong“zongshi”“congbu”“yinggai/buyinggaizheiyangzuo”dengcihui。

 liru，“nizongshidaduanwodeshuohua”“niconglaidoushizheiyangzi”“nibuyinggai/yinggaizheiyangzuo，jiubuhuichuxianzheiyangdewentile”dengdeng，zheiyangdebiaoshudoushiconghaojijianbutongdeshizhongchouquchuyigexiaodianjinxingzongjieguina，bingqiezhanzaigaogejudejiaoduchufa。

zheibujinhuirangduifangganjuebushiyuwomenzhanzaitongyigaodu，erqiehuijuedezijimeiyoubeichongfenzunzhong。

tongshiwomenshiyongdiyirenchengchenshulaimingqueshuomingzijideganshou。

 diyirenchengchenshudejuzishiyi“wo”kaitou，ranhouzaimiaoshuqingchuzijideqingganfanying，zheinengshiwomenzijibianshizijideqinggan，erbushibasuoyoudeguanzhufangzaibanlvdeshenshang，yenengrangduifangchajuedaowomendeqinggan。

 jiuxiangwomenkeyiba“nizhenderenudaowole”zhuanbiancheng“woxianzaigandaofeichangshengqi”，“woxianzaideganjuehenbuhao”；“nizenmebuweiwozhexiang！conglaiburangwobahuashuowan”zhuanbiancheng“niganggangdaduanwojianghuadeshihou，wogandaohenshengqi”，xiangzheizhongbaxingweimiaoshuhediyirenchengjieheqilai，womenchengtawei“xyzchenshu”，keyigengqingchuzhunquedijinxinggoutong。

xyzdegeshiwei：“dangwomenzaiyqingjingxiazuoxdeshihou(biaozhundexingweimiaoshu)wogandaoz(diyirenchengchenshu)。”

2、积极倾听

zheigeshijiedetuxiangbingbushizidongjinruwomendanaode，ershiyouxuanzede。

womenbushizaikan，ershixunmi；womenbushizaitingjianshijieshangsuoyoudeshengyin，zhishizaiting。

 xuehuiqingting、jijiqingtingshiyigelaoshengchangtandegoutongjiqiao，yeshiyizhongfeichanghaodehuiyingfangshi，jinengguliduifangjixushuoxiaqu，younengbaozhengwomenkeyilijieduifangsuoshuodeneirong。

1)鼓励对方先开口

 yuanyiqingtingbierenshuohuabiaoshiwomenleyujieshoubierendekanfa，nengrangduifang(shuohuazhe)ganshoudaobeizunzhong，yinweiqingtingkeyiyingzaokaifangrongqiadegoutongfenwei，youzhuyushuangfangyouhaodejiaohuanyijian。

 erqiewomenhaikeyizaibiaodayijianzhiqian，zhangwoshuangfangyijianyizhizhichu，zheiyangkeyishishuangfanggengyuanyijienabicideyijian，congershigoutongbiandegenghexierongqia。

2)控制好自己的情绪

zaijiaotandeguochengzhongkenengyoushejidaoyixieyuzishenliyixiangguandewenti，huozhehuitanjidaoyixieyinqigongmingdehuati。

 zheishiwomenyaojinjiduifangcaishicicitanhuadezhujiao，jishiwomenyoubutongdeguandianhuozhehenqiangliedeqingxu，yebuyaosuiyibiaoxianchulai，gengbuyaoheduifangzhengzhi，fouzehenyoukenenghuidairuguoduodewuguanxijie，congertuolilejiaotandezhenzhengzhutihuodaozhijiaotanzhongduan。

3)懂得与对方共鸣

youxiaoqingtinghaiyaoxuehuisheshenchudi，zhanzaiduifangdelichangkandaiwenti，congduifangdejiaoduchufa。

 duifangkenengbuhuizhijiebatazhenshideqinggangaosuwomen，xuyaowomencongduifangdebiaodaneirong、yudiaoshenzhizhitiyuyanzhongchajuepouxisuoyouyaochuandadeqingxuheganshou。

 ruguowomenmeibanfapanduanduifangdeqinggan，haikeyizhijiewen：“neimeniganjueruhe？”xunwenduifangdeqinggantiyanbujinkeyimingquebawoduifangdeqingxu，hainenggengrongyiyinfachuxiangguanhuati，bimianlengchang。

 dangwomenzhenzhenglijieleduifangdangxiadeqingxuhou，yinggaikendingduifang：“neidequehenrangrenshengqi”，“zhenshitaibuyinggaile”，“zenmekeyizheiyangqiangrensuonanni”dengdeng，rangduifangganjuewomennenggoutihuidaotadeganshoubingyutachanshenggongming。

4)巧妙运用肢体语言

meiguochuanboxuejiaaibote·meilabiantichuguozheiyangyigegongshi：

goutongshixinxidequanbubiaoda=7%yuyanneirong+38%shengyin+55%zhitiyuyan。

congerdechu，zhitiyuyanzaiyouxiaogoutonglizhandebili，huanyanzhi，zhitiyuyancaishiyouxiaogoutongdezhongyaobufen。

 ernvshengzaigoutongzhonggengjiakanzhongdeshiqingxudedaoanfu，yuneirongmeiyoutaiduodeguanxi，suoyizainvshengshengqideshihou，xianbuyaojieshitaiduo、zhijiejinvshengyigeyongbao，zheinengyouxiaoanfunvshengdeqingxu，buguoqiantishinimenshinannvguanxideqingkuangxia。

 liangxingzaixiangchudeguochengzhong，zhongyaodebushifashengleshenmeshiqing，ershibicijiandeganshou。ergoutongganshouzaiqinmiguanxizhongcaishizuizhongyaode。

youyijuhuazheimeshuo：“yuduifanggoutongjiushiyaojiduifanghuanxi、jiduifangxiwang、jiduifangliliang、jiduifangfangbian。”

 rangwomendehuanenggoubangzhubanlvpaiyoujienan，fupingduifangxinlingdeshangtong，rangchuzaijuewangderenguqizhongxinshenghuodeyongqi，weixiaoyingjiexindeweilai，zheicaishishuangfanggoutongdezhenzhengmude。

文 | 曾婷婷