恋爱宝典：如何更好地表达自己的需求

 zailianaiguanxizhong，henshaoyounvshengkeyizhunquedebiaodaxuqiu，rangnanrengenghaodeaiziji。suoyi huazhen xiaobianjintianyudajiafenxianglianaibaodian，xiwangkeyibangzhudajiazaiqinmiguanxizhongqiadangdibiaodazijidexuqiu，rangduifanglaigenghaoaiziji。

一、 恋爱宝典 ：如何更好的表达自己的需求

1、用探索代替控制

ruguonishibeirenshuoshiyigeqiangshidekongzhiyuqiangderen，nikeyishishiyongtansuodaitikongzhi。

 xiaolihewobaoyuanshuolaogongshuotahenqiangshi，laoshixiangkongzhita。wojiuwentashizenmehelaogonggoutongde，tashuo：“biruchiwanfanwojiuhetashuorangtapeiwoqusanbu，tajiushuobuxiangqu，wojiushuonijiupeiwoquma，bierenfuqidoushihuiqusanbude，wolaogongjiushuowolaobita，wojuedewomeiyouya。”

dangshiwojiuwenxiaoli：“niyouwenguonilaogongshibushichiwanfankenengyoushenmeshiqingbu?”

xiaolihewoshuo：“zheigewomeiyouxiangneimeduoe。”

 suoyiwojiujiaoxiaolishishiyongtansuolaidaitikongzhilai biaodaxuqiu 。houlaixiaolijiuhenkaixindehewofenxiangyigezheiyanggoutongdelizi。

youyicitashizheiyanghetalaogongshuode：“laogong，nidengxiachiwanfanhuiyouyigexiaoshidekongxianshijianma?”

laogongshuo：“meishiwojintianmeiyoushenmeshiqing。”

 ranhouxiaolijiushuo：“neiwokebukeyizhanyongniyigexiaoshideshijian，nibangwozaiwangshangtiaodiandongtianchuandeyifu，yinweiwodoushichuanjinikande。niyaoshijuedemafandehuajiusuanle，wozijixuan。”

xiaolilaogongjiushuo：“dangrankeyifanzhengyemeishi。”

neizheicigoutongweishenmehuichenggongni？ （ ）

 yinweixiaolizaitansuolaogongshibushiyoushijian，biaodayebushiyigezhiling，ranglaogongganjueshiyouxuanzede。shuotiaoyifushijiduifangkandejidejiushiyigefujiajiazhi。erzheiqizhongyoulingwaiyigejiqiao，shuangjiewei。

 shuangjieweidejiqiaojiushiduifangdayingyekeyi，budayingyekeyi。dangnibiaodaxuqiudeshihou，keyiyongshuangjiewei，rangnanrenshiyouxuanzede。ertansuodaitikongzhi，jiashangfujiajiazhiyijishuangjiewei，zheigewanzhengdeguocheng，rangtaganshoudaodeshizunzhong，tashiyouxuanzequande，bingqienishilijietade，zheishihou，qishitayijingmeiyoubanfajujuenile。

 yinweiruguonikongzhita，jiushi“laogong，niwanshangliuyigexiaoshijiwo，bangwobadongtiandeyifuxuanyixia。”zheigeshixuqiu，yejiushinidekongzhi。

lianaibaodian：ruhegenghaodibiaodazijidexuqiu？

2、用检讨代替愤怒

 dangnirongyibeirenshuoshiyigepiqida，rongyifennuqingxuhuaderen，womenkeyishishiyongjiantaodaitifennu。duifangyijingzuocuoshile，nixiwangduifanggaibian。tongchangqingkuangxia，meigerendouzheiyang，jijiusuanzhidaoshizijicuole，yebuxihuanbeirenshuo，suoyi，zheigeshihounikeyiyongjiantaodaitifennu。

 youyicixiaolidelaogonggaosuxiaoli，zijihetongshiquchifan，xiaoliwenta，meiyounvshengzaichang?tashuo，meiyou。erxiaolikandaolaogongtongshidepengyouquanfaxianle，shiyounvshengzaide，xiaolijuedezijibeipianlehennanshou，taxiwanglaogongkeyigaizheng。zheishihouxiaoliyouzhaodaowoshuoyaozenmegoutongbijiaohao，wojiujianyita，ni biaodaxuqiu ，bunengshuo“wojuedenizuocuole，niyaogai。”zheizhongfangshijiushicuowude。

 shouxian，niyaojiantaotaqipiannibeihoudeyuanyin，shibushinipingshibataderenjiguanxizhangkongdetaiyanle，daozhitalaiqipianni。ruguoyouzheizhongqingkuangdehua，nijiuyaoyongjiantaolaibiaodaziji。

nikeyishuo：“laogong，wojuedeshiwobuhao。”

takendingjiuhuangle，huiwenni：“nalibuhao?”

nijiukeyishuo：“shibushiwobaniguandetaiyanle，suoyinitongshijuhuiyounvshengdoubugangaosuwo?”

 nibunengyong“nipianwo”zheigeci，ruguoniyikaichangjiuzhigaoqiyang，takendingjiuhuifanboni。suoyi，niyaoshuo“bugangaosuwo。”niyaoyongyigehaodetaiduzuokaichangbai。

 jiezhenikeyijixushuo：“wojuedekenengshiwodewenti，wotaizaiyile。danruguonijuhuiyounvshengzaidehua，nigaosuwoqishiyemeiguanxi。wobuhuishengqide，dangranwoyiqiankenengshengguoqi，danwogaizhengyexuyaoyixieshijian，keyima?”

 dangniyongjiantaodaitidefennu，nibiaodalezijidexuqiu，niyidingyaoyunxuzijiheduifangdouzanshikenengzuobudao，jinimenbiciyixieshijian，yiqiqumianduizheiyangdeshiqing。（ ）

3、用改进代替改变

 dangnirongyibeibierenshuoshiyigetiaoti，yaoqiuhengaoderen，nei biaodaxuqiu deshihoushishi，yonggaijindaitigaibian。ruguonijuedezheijianshiqing，duifangzuodehenhaole，dannixiwangduifangzaiyixiedifangkeyigaijin。xiangduilaishuo，ruguonizhichuyigecuowu，haiburuyonggengjiade“geng”laibiaodanidexuqiu。biru，jintianninanyouheniyuehuile，qingnichiyidunhenbangdefacan，danchidaoleshijifenzhong，erqietazhiqianyijingchidaoguojicile，sihumanmandeyouchidaodexiguanle，nixiwangtagaijinzheiyidian。

 nikeyizheimeshuo：“qinaide，nimeicitiaodecantingdoutebiebang，danwojuede，ruguoqinaidexiacinenggouanshidaojiugengbang 。”ruguonizhendehaixuyaoduifanggaijinyigedifang，nikeyizaikendingtadejichushang，yonggengjiade“geng”laibiaodanidexuqiu。tajiuhuizhidao，niduitazuodeshiqingshimanyide，zhishixiwangtabiandegenghao。huiyouyige“genghao”debufen，zheiyerangtarongyijieshou。

 youbiruyounanshengduinihenyinqin，cairenshibujiujiuhuihenishuo：“woxiageyueyaojinimaiyigeche。”ruguonijuedeshibunengjieshoude，danshizhijiejujueyoupadajiduifangdereqing，nijiukeyibiaodashuo：“wojuedenihuixiangjiwomaicheyexushuomingnihenxihuanwo，danshiwojuedewomenkenenghaiyaoduojiechuba，ruguowomenquedingzaiyiqile，neinijiwosongshenmedongxikenengwogengrongyijieshouba。”

 zheigebiaodajikendingleduifangqinggandebufen，yegaosuduifangzijixiangyaodeshiduojiechu，yemeiyoudajiduifangdezixingaosuleduifangqueliguanxihaishikeyisongde，jinanhaiziyigezhengquedeyindao。suoyi，henduoshihouwomenyaobiaodashigaijinerbushigaibian，womenyaozuodaobiaodazhongwufenkendingwufengaibian，nixuyaoyonggengjiade“geng”qubiaodanidexuqiu，rangtajuedegengjiarongyijieshou。

4、需求是会改变的

 ruguonizhenchuyuyiduan qinmiguanxi zhong，zailianggerenjiaowangqijian，nihuibuduandifaxian，zijixuyaodeshishenme?xiangyaodeshishenmeshibuduandigengxinde，yinweiyigerenhuichengzhangzhihou，huibuduandeyouziwojuechadeguocheng。suoyiwojianyi，lianggerenzhijian，yinggaidingqiyouyixiejiaoliu。

 yongdingqidejiaoliu，laibiaodawoxianjieduanxiangyaodeaishishenme，xiangyaoduifangruheaiwo，xingchengyizhongdingqidebiaodafangshi。shuangfangkeyixuanyigeqiadangdeshijianjianju，dingqijiaoliubiaodaziji。

 dangwomendexuqiuhuozheshiwomenxiangyaodeyijingbianledeshihou，niyinggaizhudonggaosuduifang，duifangjiunenggouyiyizhongzhengquedefangshiquduidaini，zheiyangduifangyehaodiaozheng。nibuyaorangduifangzhuizhenipao，huijiazhihouzaiqucaicenidexinsiyunineixindebianhua，zheihuirangduifanghenbushufu。

 biru，nizheiduanshijiangongzuohenmang，nijiugaosuduifang：“woxiwangnizheiduanshijianduojiwoxiezhichi，kenengpeibandeshijianhuishaoyixie。”niyaoqubiaodazijidexuqiu。dantongshinixuyaozhidaoduifangxiangyaodeshishenme，nikeyixunwenta，yexutahuishuo：“wozhichini，dannimeitiankebukeyichouchuyixiegudingshijian，jiwodagedianhua?”

 shuangfangdingqizuoyixiexuqiudejiaohuan，zheikeyishidelianggerendeguanxigengjiawending，zaizhangqiguanxidexiangchuguochengzhongzheishiyigehenhaodexiangchufangshi。

 dingqiqulejiezijidebanlvxiangyaodeshishenme，dingqizuoyixiefankui，lianggerendehezuoguanxishihenjinmide，jiuxiangzidongkoufeifuwu，huiyuanbangdinglenideyinxingka，dancongzheigeyuekaishi，meigeyueyaoduoshouhuiyuanershiyuan，quebutiqianfatongzhi，huiyuanziranshibushuangde。

 dangnidexuqiugaibianle，niyinggaigaozhiduifang，rangtayousuodiaozheng，erbushitazhuizhenipao，caicenidexinsi。erdingqidejiaoliufankuijiuxiangshinishouzhongshoujixitongdeshengjiyiyang，genjuyonghudetiyanhexuqiulaishengjifuwuneironghefangshi，suoyiyoushinizhendeyaoduowenwenbanlv：yonghutiyanzenmeyang?

 haodedifangyiqijinyibuyouhua，buhaodebufenyiqijiuzuochujinkenengdegaibian。zheiyangnimenjiukeyishouhuozhangjiukechixuqiadangdeaile。

 buqugaosuduifangzijixihuandeshishenme，buxihuandeshishenme，dengzhebierenlaidongzijideyuyanyouzhi，qishijiushixiandairenjijiaowangzhongdeyizhonghuibixingwei。

 nizhiyouduoqubiaodanidexuqiu，xuehuiquqiuzhu，xuehuifankui，xuehuiquzhengquedibiaodazijixuqiuzhihou，duifangcainengmanzunidexuqiu，zheishinizaiqukendingduifang，zheigeguanxijiuhuishiyigeliangxingxitong。