恋爱技巧:如何在恋爱中保持和提升自我?

 lianaijiqiaoyoushenmeni？jiaruwocunzai“zailianaizhongburongyiweichizishen”denanti，neimajinyoucongxinlizhuangtaiyuguanniandefangmian，congnantideshizhikaolvqutaolunqigenbenyuanyinsuoshu，caikeyilingnizhenshi“lejie”bingzuochugenggailaichulinidewenti。neimebolatulianaiyounaxieni?xiamianjiugensuixiaobianyiqilaikankanbolatushideailiandewenzhangba。

一、前提条件

 zailianaizhongqueshilezishendejiexian，buqingchuzenyangweichizishendegerenzijuexing，shidabufenrendoushihuizailianaizhongpengdaode“nanti”。

 zheiwangwangshiyige“nanti”shiyouyu，dajiazixiaojienadezhenduitanlianaide“yinxiang”he“dingyi”juedaduoshushilaiziyuxiaoshuoji、yingshizuopin、heyingpian。

 zheileilaiyuanyuyishupindeduiaidelijietongchangshihaiziqide、jiduanhuade、lixinghuade。lianaijiqiaoyoushenmeni？erqiezheizhongchuanyangaiqinggushiyouhenduozai“anshizhe”ni【zaiganqingzhongbianshiyaofangzongziji，zaiganqingzhongbianshihelingyifangrongweiyiti】，yinci zaocheng quanshijiedabufenderenzhenduiganqingyongyou buzhengquede、tuolishijidelejieyuxiwang。

 erqieyouyuzaiquanqiufanchounei，liuxingdedingyiliduiganqingdebuzhengquesanbo，linghenduorenyishengdoudaizhuzhenduiganqingdeneileibushijidelejieerzaochenglehenduodetongchuyubuxing。

 juedaduoshurendaoqingchunfayuqimengdongwuzhidezaochengle“tanlianai”deyixiangdeqingkuangxia，tongchanghuibatanlianaixiangxiangdejiqixingfu，xiangxiangzhehaishishanmeng，xiangxiangzhejiangyouzhelingyifangyishengyishi。naizhiyouderenhuibayouzheyigeyishengdeairenzaizaiqianyishizhonglizuoweirenshengdaoludezongtimubiao。

 nikanyixiarujindexiaoshuoji、yingpian、dianshilianxuju，wulunnaxiezhutinaxiezhonglei，zongyaozaijiashangyixieganqingdeyuansu，haoxiangganqingzairenmendeyishengzhongjiuyinggaishiwucongwuzai，erqiedabufengushihuiyizhurengongzaizuizhonghuodeleyifen“jizhi”deganqingzuoweijieguo，jinererrumurandelingdabufenrenrenweidedao ganqing，jiudaibiaozhededao lexingfukuaile;zhaodaozhenzhengdeaiqing，jiuyuyizishennengyuelaiyuegengqiang。

 shubuzhishijizhongdeganqing，tazhibuguorenshengdaoludebudayibufen，ganqingjiuyunidezhenqing，youyi，gongzuozhong，xuexipeixundengyiyang，tabingmeiyouneimajiechu，yebingbushiduomededechonggao。

 erqieniyebunenggouzhibayigexingyezuoweinirenshengdaoluzhongdesuoyoushijiyiyi，zhichenmiyugongzuozhongderenbutaikenengxiangyoudaoganqingdemeihaoyuzhenqingdewennuan，zhichenmiyuzhenqingderenmeifadedao fazhanbidinghuizaiganqinghegongzuoshangcuobai。

 yiyang，yigebaganqingkandetaiguoguanjian，jiganqingshouyuleguoduoshijiyiyideren，tadezhenqing，tadegongzuozhong，tadexihaodengyedoumeifahuodefeichanghaodefazhanqushi，suihoutaderensheng，bianhuishidiao。tahuizaiairendeyanlibianchengyigeruanruowunengde、meiyouyouhuolideren，zuihoutadeaiqingyehuisangshi。

 jiechudeganqingjiuhejiechudezhenqingyiyang，huoxingrendiuleyikuaijiezipiyaozanitouding，nimamalakailenizijiquebeiyasile，zheibiaomingnidemamashijiechude，“niyuni”mamadezhenqingshijiechude，danzheibingbuyiweizhezhe“zhenqing”bianshijiechude。

 gongzhuhewangzidezhenzhengdeaiqingxingfude，neishiyouyutamenshigongzhuhewangzi，danbingbuyiweizhe“ganqing”zishenjiudaibiaozheshixingfude。

 nideaiqingshibushixingfu，nikefouzaiganqingzhonghuodehuanle，zaishizhishangshizaiyunishisheiya，yunizishendegongzuonengliyucengji。erbushiniyouzheleganqingjiudaibiaozhexingfukuaile，huodelezhenzhengdeaiqingjiunengyishenganxin。

 yiqietanlianaiguoderendoushihuilejie，tanlianaiyejiushishuoniziyiweishizhaodaoyigezhenzhengdeaiqing，zheibingbuhuilingniderenshengyixiaziyuelaiyuehenxingfu，nidejianglaiyebuhuiyouyuyiduanganqingermashangdedao feichangdadegaibian。nigongzuozhongzairichangshenghuozhongguodebugaoxing，buchunfengdeyi，zailianaizhongyehenkenenghaihuijixushibugaoxing，buchunfengdeyide。

jiangguozheimeduo，shiweilegenghaodijinixianzhengquerenshiganqingdeshijiyuqiantitiaojian。

jiexiaqu，dajialaitaolunaiqingdedingyi。

二、实质

「wanmeideaiqingzaishizhishangshi2gedandu、wanshandegerendehuxiangzirun，linglingyifangfazhan，lingxianghudesiweigengweiwanshan。

zhenzhengdeaijiushizhi，bujinyouaideyixiang，youtouruleaidexingdong。」

 「tamentihuilaidaohuxiangdexiyinzhu，danbingbuhuiweilegenghaoditaohaolingyifangheyihuierdehuanaierqueshiheweihaizishendezijuexing;

 tamendoujiandingbuyidezouzaiguishuyuzishendelumianshang，burongyiguidinglingyifangwubihezishenyilutongxing，tamenzuiduozongshizaifenbiedelumianouyoujiaochashideqingkuangxiajiyulingyifangjilihexinyoulingxidexiangshiyixiao;

tamenbingbuyidingfeidezaiyiqi，jiusuantamenzaiyiqirichangshenghuo，neiyejinjintamentiaoxuanlezaiyiqishenghuoeryi。」

 「tamenkeyijiena【shijibenbianshichongmanlebumingyukebianxing】dezheiyikeguanshishi，yinertamenhuizhongshilingyifang，tamenhuixiangshoudangxia。

 tamenburongyijushulingyifang，guidinglingyifangwubidechuhaishishanmeng，baitouxielaoyishengdechengnuo，youyutamenlejiechengnuojinjinyongyumengpianxinlizhuangtaihaiziqideren，hebuchengshuderenyongyuqipianziji、shouyindetuoci。」

 「tamenkeyizhengshizijideyiwu，nengjijideweilianaiguanxichengdan。tamenhuirenzhenquyunyingzishendeganqing，keyizhenshideguanzhulingyifang，keyiweilianaizhongdenantihefenqixunzhaochulidefangshi。」

 keshidabufenrenshuobailedeganqing，「zaishizhishangzhibuguoshishiyouyuqisiweidebuchengshuhemeiyouanquangan，erjiqiedebixucongqinglvneibianhuodeguishugan，huodexinlizhuangtaishangdeweihu。」

 「tamenyierzaizaiersanshuozhezishenyouduomededeailingyifang，quefeichangshaotourujutidexingdong。tamenziyiweishiweilingyifangtourulexuduo ，quebalingyifangdetourudangzuoshilisuoyingdang。

 tamenzongshizuoyixie“tianliangleduochuanzhedaban”“ganmaofashaoduohedianreshui”zheileikanqilaichengxinmanmandeqishihaowujiazhidesuoshi，tamenzaizaiqianyishizhonglijiuyagenmeiyou“jilingyifangnayao”，“songlingyifangjiaoshoutao”dezheileijutitourudedingyi。

 tamenzongshikelianxixidebazijifangdaoshouhairenyuqigaideshijiao，zongshikumendexiangxiangzhelingyifangnengweizijidaliangdeguanxinheai，yidanlingyifangmeiyoukaolvhuohulveleta，tabianhuiganjuejiqidefushang，naizhihuizaixinliduiqinglvzaochengzenge。」

 「tamenbuyuanyidanfuzishendeyiwu，tamenconghaipajijibiaoshuzishendeyaoqiu。tamencongbulejiezishenbixuweilianaiguanxichengdan，ganqingchouchulenanti，tamenburongyijijidequchuli，tamenyefeichangshaohuijijizuoyixienengcujinganqingdeshi。」

 「yibantamenzijiderichangshenghuoyeshiyituanzao，meiyouzishenderenshengzongtimubiao，buqingchuzishenzhenshiyaoxiangdeshisha，buqingchuzishensuojingdemeiyitianshijiyiyizaina。tamenweiquqiuquanzaizishentaoyandegongzuozhong，lingzishenfangandeziranhuanjingliquebuyuanyigenggai，tamenyizhiwusuozuowei，hunhundundundehunguomeiyitian。

 youyuzairichangshenghuozhongzhaobuzhenengdailaitashijiyiyigandeshi，yinci yidantaxincunjiaoxinghuodeleyifenganqing，bianhuiganjuejiqidehaoyun，bianhuijiqidezijintouru，basuoyoudezhongxindianhezhuanzhulidoufangjinleganqingshang，shishikekedouhuidianjizhelingyifang，meifenmeimiaodouxianghelingyifangchanshenglianjie。」

 「tamenyizhihuishifendetixindiaodan，shifendebijiaomingan，shifendemingan;zaixinlizhuangtaishangchedideyikaolingyifang，queziquqirudebazheileiyikaobaozhuangchengshi【taiguoailingyifang】，jinerbazijifangjindaodezhigaodianshanglaiyouyulingyifangmeiyoukaolvzishenzheixiebukexuedeguidingerquchizelingyifang。」

 yiner，rujinniwubirenkeyigekeguanshishi，shijishangyouyixie“shuobailede”tanlianaibingbingbushizhenshidetanlianai。niyiwangyixietanlianaijinglijingzaishizhishangjinjinyouyumeiyouanquanganhexinlidekumen、jiqihuaizheduiganqingdebuzhengquexiangxiangerzhuanyezhishihelingyigeren「zaiyiqi」leyiduanshijianbale。

 ziranzheilei“haiziqide”tanlianaibingbushiyouyuwojiangtashibuzhengquedejiuyiweizhetayidingshibutaihaode，meiyigerendoushiyihaiziqizouxiangchengshu，haiziqidetanlianaijiushiniziwochengzhang、neixinqiangdadeyigebijingzhiludehuanjie。

 keshiweiyouniyishidao，nideaiqingguan，niduiganqingdexintaishihaiziqide，nicaikeyihuodefazhandejiyu，nicaikeyigaibianxianzhuang，youhaiziqizouxiangchengshu。

三、为啥恋爱中会放纵自己?

 「huizailianaizhongfangzongzijideren，shijishangzaitanlianaizhiqianjiumeiyouzishen。」zheijuhuajinguanshuodejiduanhualexie，danshijiqueshiruci。

 bolatushideailian,tanlianaiburongyilingniyuelaiyuegengqiang，yiyangtayebuhuilingniyuelaiyuegenghuai。niwangwanghuizailianaizhongfushang、buchenggong、cuobai，bianshiyouyuniyiqianjiucunyouleneiyanghuoneibandenanti，zhibuguotanlianailingzheizhongnantipuluchulaibale。

 yigemeiyouquelidezishenjiexianderen，dangtadedao leyiduanganqingshi，tadezishenjiexianhuichuxianyibufennaizhijuedaduoshudebenkui。

 youyuzhuiruaihedehuanjuelingtajuedezishenhelingyifangheweiyitile，gerendeziworenshidedao letuokuan，zishenjiexiandebenkuidediquhaihuijixubatayuwaibudeyiqiedoulianjieqilai，zheilei“juede”shishifenmeihaode，yinweitazanshixingdetigaolenideluojisiweicengjiyuguannianshuizhun，lingnikeyidedao he“dedaochengxian”、“beikaiguanglinyu”dengzongjiaoxinyangganshouxiangjindeqimiaotihui。

 「zailianaidejieduanzhongzheileizishenjiexiandebenkuishijishangshihenyiqiezhengchangde，gengshiyouyuzheileizishenjiexiandebenkuilingdajiabaituoyiwangduibenshenderenzhinengli，lingdajiadezishentuokuan，tisheng dajiadeguanniancengjiyujianshi。

bupobuli，zishenjiexianbenkuisuihouzaiduchuangjian，zheijiushitanlianailingnichengzhangdeguocheng。」

 keshinantijiuchuzaizheier，juedaduoshurenmeifazhengquerenshitanlianaidailaitadeneileimeihaotihuijinjinlinshide，bolatulianai,tamenbukeyijienaneileiheqinglvhequanqiurongweiyitidejuedeshijishangshixubaode，tamenyebumingbaidezenyangbupobuli，zenyanglingzishenzaizishenjiexianbenkuihouranhouzheiyitupokouquwanshanziwo。