姐弟恋男友经常对我冷暴力，我该如何挽回他的心？

我和男友是姐弟恋，在一起三年分分合合无数次。他不喜欢表达自己擅长冷暴力。我也一直这样逃避着拖着，舍不下却又走不开。希望冷爱老师帮我分析，我该如何 挽回男友 的心？

jiediliannanyoujingchangduiwolengbaoli，wogairuhewanhuitadexin？

网友 情感咨询：

 womenshijiedilian。ta85nian，wo79nian，waimaokanbuchunianlingchaju。shuangfangdoushiliyi。tayouyigeerzi，woyouyigenver。shouru、waimao，gefangmiantiaojiandouchabuduo。

 tajibenbujiwohuaqian，doushiwobaolantahefumuhaizidehenduochichuanyong。zaiyiqisannianfenfenhehewushuci。kaishitabujieshouwo，danyebujujuewo。

 zhidaoyinianduohou，wocaijianletajiarenpengyoutongxue，wanquanchuxianzaitadeshenghuo。danshizhongjianyiranganjuedaotaduocifanfuyaobaibuding，shenzhifenshouqijian，tadouquzhaoxinmubiao。tabuxihuanbiaodaziji，shanzhanglengbaoli。

 youyici，tashuolezijiyaobaibudingdeliyou。yishi，danxinwoshentihainengbunengshenghaizi。dangran，woduizijishentiyeshimeibawo（tashiduzi，bixuzaiyaoyigehaizi）。

 ershiyinweigezihaizishangxuewenti。jinyinianduo，womenmeibanfameitianzaitongyiwuyanxiashenghuo。suirantongzaishiqu，danzhuzailiangchu，rangtajuedebuxiangyigejia。

zaishuoshuowodewenti。woshigegupideren。shiniandedanshenshenghuo，rangwogengburongyiqumianduiyidajiazirendehunyinshenghuo。

 meiciqutajiamianduizhefumuhehaizi，zongrangwoyouyayigan。wobuganxiangxiangzijiruguozhangshijianguoneizhongshenghuo，huishishenmeyang。genfumufenkaizhuzheiyidian，jibenmeishangliangdeyudi。suoyi，woyeyizhizheiyangtaobizhetuozhe，shebuxia，queyouzoubukai。

 chunjieqianzaicichaodaofenshou，danbicihaiyoulianxi，douyoujiujiebushe。ranhou，tayaoqingwoqutajiaguochunjie，qijianwumingxianyiyang，danmingxianxiaoxinyiyi。

 chunjiehou，tagenfumuhaizihuilaojiazouqinqi，wojiuhuilezijizhuchu，zhiqianshuohaochuliuhuiwomajiajiewohaizi，zailushangwomingxianganjuedaotadeyiyang。

 zuihouwobiebuzhubiwen。wohenfennu，youjietuduihua。xianzaiwoyebuzhidaozijixiangyaoshenme，nengyaoshenmele。ruguowozuihoushengbulehaizi，womenyiranhaishifenkai。kewoyoubuxiangyinweiweizhideshiqingermangranzuojueding，xinyoubugan，queyouduiweilaimeixinxin。xiwanglengailaoshibangwofenxi，wogairuhemianduizheizhongkunju？

 da：henduorenshuozijiwaimaokanbuchunianlingchaju，yeyourenshuozijidewaimaokanbuchulaishijinianling。zheixiehuabeihoudeluojiyiyang：sihukanbuchunianling，nianlingzheijianshibianmeiyouyiyi。

 danshi，wangxiazouhuirangnifaxian，jibiankanbuchunianlingdechaju，danshizheigewentiyiranzaiyiduanguanxilicunzai。jiuxiangzaihaizizheigewentishang，liannizijiyemeiyoubawo。

nizijiyeqingchu，qishinianlingjiushiyigewenti、jiushiyigetiaozhan。erwaimao，zhishinishuofuzijideyuanyinzhiyi。

xiangyaogaibianzheigeqingkuang，nixuyaocongguanjianci：jiedilian、nianlingcha

题主：女

 wen：womenshijiedilian。ta85nian，wo79nian，waimaokanbuchunianlingchaju。shuangfangdoushiliyi。tayouyigeerzi，woyouyigenver。shouru、waimao，gefangmiantiaojiandouchabuduo。

 tajibenbujiwohuaqian，doushiwobaolantahefumuhaizidehenduochichuanyong。zaiyiqisannianfenfenhehewushuci。kaishitabujieshouwo，danyebujujuewo。

 zhidaoyinianduohou，wocaijianletajiarenpengyoutongxue，wanquanchuxianzaitadeshenghuo。danshizhongjianyiranganjuedaotaduocifanfuyaobaibuding，shenzhifenshouqijian，tadouquzhaoxinmubiao。tabuxihuanbiaodaziji，shanzhanglengbaoli。

 youyici，tashuolezijiyaobaibudingdeliyou。yishi，danxinwoshentihainengbunengshenghaizi。dangran，woduizijishentiyeshimeibawo（tashiduzi，bixuzaiyaoyigehaizi）。

 ershiyinweigezihaizishangxuewenti。jinyinianduo，womenmeibanfameitianzaitongyiwuyanxiashenghuo。suirantongzaishiqu，danzhuzailiangchu，rangtajuedebuxiangyigejia。

zaishuoshuowodewenti。woshigegupideren。shiniandedanshenshenghuo，rangwogengburongyiqumianduiyidajiazirendehunyinshenghuo。

 meiciqutajiamianduizhefumuhehaizi，zongrangwoyouyayigan。wobuganxiangxiangzijiruguozhangshijianguoneizhongshenghuo，huishishenmeyang。genfumufenkaizhuzheiyidian，jibenmeishangliangdeyudi。suoyi，woyeyizhizheiyangtaobizhetuozhe，shebuxia，queyouzoubukai。

 chunjieqianzaicichaodaofenshou，danbicihaiyoulianxi，douyoujiujiebushe。ranhou，tayaoqingwoqutajiaguochunjie，qijianwumingxianyiyang，danmingxianxiaoxinyiyi。

 chunjiehou，tagenfumuhaizihuilaojiazouqinqi，wojiuhuilezijizhuchu，zhiqianshuohaochuliuhuiwomajiajiewohaizi，zailushangwomingxianganjuedaotadeyiyang。

 zuihouwobiebuzhubiwen。wohenfennu，youjietuduihua。xianzaiwoyebuzhidaozijixiangyaoshenme，nengyaoshenmele。ruguowozuihoushengbulehaizi，womenyiranhaishifenkai。kewoyoubuxiangyinweiweizhideshiqingermangranzuojueding，xinyoubugan，queyouduiweilaimeixinxin。

花镇情感 咨询师冷爱回复：

 henduorenshuozijiwaimaokanbuchunianlingchaju，yeyourenshuozijidewaimaokanbuchulaishijinianling。zheixiehuabeihoudeluojiyiyang：sihukanbuchunianling，nianlingzheijianshibianmeiyouyiyi。

 danshi，wangxiazouhuirangnifaxian，jibiankanbuchunianlingdechaju，danshizheigewentiyiranzaiyiduanguanxilicunzai。jiuxiangzaihaizizheigewentishang，liannizijiyemeiyoubawo。

nizijiyeqingchu，qishinianlingjiushiyigewenti、jiushiyigetiaozhan。erwaimao，zhishinishuofuzijideyuanyinzhiyi。

xiangyaogaibianzheigeqingkuang，nixuyaocongyixiasanfangmianrushou：

diyi，congxianzaiqi，qingmianduishishi，erbuyaoziqiqiren。jieshoushishidecunzai，zongbiyanerdaolingyaohao。

 dier，congliaotianjilu，keyikanchu，nishiyigeziwogongjixingderen。nidegoutongfangshichongmangongjishi，bujinduiziji，duibierenyeshi。qingniyishidaozheiyidianbingzuochugaibian，fouzeyihoubuhuiyouhaoguozichi。

 disan，qingnibuyaozaijiyijianshifuyuwuxianfangdadeyiyi。qutajiaguonian，niyuanbenkeyijiangzheijianshilijieweitabuxiangnigulinglingyigeren。

 ernixianzaiquerangqutajiaguonian，bianchengle“shengsizhiyue”。ruguolianyigexiaochengnuodoubianderucichenzhong，yousheiyuanyiheniyongyuanzouxiaquni？

ruguonengcongyishangsanfangmianrushougaibian，xiangxinnidechujingyidinghuiyousuohuanjie。yixiasanfangmianrushou：

第一，从现在起，请面对事实，而不要自欺欺人。接受事实的存在，总比掩耳盗铃要好。

第二，从聊天记录，可以看出，你是一个自我攻击型的人。你的沟通方式充满攻击式，不仅对自己，对别人也是。请你意识到这一点并做出改变，否则以后不会有好果子吃。

第三，请你不要再给一件事赋予无限放大的意义。去他家过年，你原本可以将这件事理解为他不想你孤零零一个人。

 ernixianzaiquerangqutajiaguonian，bianchengle“shengsizhiyue”。ruguolianyigexiaochengnuodoubianderucichenzhong，yousheiyuanyiheniyongyuanzouxiaquni？

ruguonengcongyishangsanfangmianrushougaibian，xiangxinnidechujingyidinghuiyousuohuanjie。