花镇咨询投诉，情商在亲密关系当中到底有多重要？

 rangqingshangzhishangzheiyidingyizhenshixingqideyingguoxinlixuezhuanjiadanielgolemanyiqianzaitadeshulijiangguoneiyangyigegushi。youyitiantazaicanyindianzhongbujingyitingjianbianshangdeliangweinvxinghuihua，tamenzhongdeyigeduilingyigejiangdao：“wogegeyizhizhaobuzhenvyou，taganjuezishenhenyoufengcai，huazhenzixuntousu，keshiwomingbaitaweihezhaobuzhe。”

“为何?”

 “youyuzhaobuzhenvyou，yinci taqubaomingcanjialeyigedashengpeizhutihuodong。meiyiciliangrenhudongjiaoliudeshijianjinyouliufenzhong，suihounanteyaojiabinjiuquanzidongzhuandaolingyigenvteyaojiabinneibian。jiarunvteyaojiabinduinanteyaojiabinhaijiaoweiyouhaogan，bianhuibalianxidianhuajiaojita。keshiwoqingegeconglaimeiyouhuodeguoyigenvshengdelianxidianhua。”

“那时为什么呢?”

 “youyucongzuozheneibiandeneiyikegangkaishi，wogegebianbuduandeshuotaziji，woganshuotazailiufenzhongyinei，jihuyemeiyouwenguolingyifangyigenanti。”

 yingguonaizhiyouyiweidangdainvzuojianeiyangshuo：“wofenbianxubuxuyaogenyigerenzaiciyouhuideguifan，bianshikantazaiduojiuyineigenwoshuoyigeyi‘ni’zikaishidenanti。”

 danielgolemanhaiyiqianneiyangdianpingqingshangzhishanghelingdaonenglideguanlian：zhilizailingdaonenglizhizhonghenzhongyao，dantajinjinyigemenkan。zhenshiqubiezheixiezhongdengpianshangdeguanlizhehezheixiezuiyouxiudeguanlizhede，you80%-90%shiyoutamendeqingshangzhishanglaijuecede。

 yiqianzai“nisuobuqingchudeqingshanggaoshiqing”deneiyipianwenzhangli，wogendahuoergongxiangleyixiedajiapubiandeduiqingshangzhishangdewuhuiheqingshangzhishangdezhenshijieding。zheierwohaizaijianyideshuoyixiaqingshangzhishangdedingyi。qingshangzhishang(emotionalintelligence)guanjianbaohanxialie4zhonggongzuonengli(youyixiecengcengshenrudeguanlian)：zishenjuexinggongzuonengli—duizishenxintaideganzhinenglierqielejieweihezishenhuizaochengneiyangdexintai;ziwoyueshugongzuonengli—duizishenxintaideguanlifangfahediaozhenggongzuonengli;shehuifazhanjuexinggongzuonengli—duibierenxintaideyizhongganzhinenglierqielejietamenzenmehuizaochengneiyangdexintai;guanlianguanlishuiping—keyihenhaodejiejuehaogenbierendeguanlian。

 congqingshangzhishangdedingyizhongdajiajiukeyifajue，shijishangqingshangzhishangzhenduidajiajiejuegenbierendeguanlianshiyouweizhongyaode，yinci hunyinguanxidoubuchuwai。jinrijoyxianggendahuoertaolunyixiazaihunyinguanxizhongdeqingshangzhishangdeyunyong。

qinaidede，woxiangruheaizheni?

 huanweisikao(empathy)，zheiyitingqilaiyixiebujiediqideshehuixinlixuedingyi，zaiyiqieyiduanguanlianshangdoushifendeguanjian。erzaihunyinguanxizhong，tajibenshangnenggoushuochengyidengguanjiande。yongzuitongsuhuadeyuyaneryan，huanweisikaoshizhinikeyiganshoudaotarendetihui，yizhaolingyifangdeshijiaodulisikaoerqiexiangguanzhuhuoshizhaoliaolingyifangdeyizhongqingkuang。

 congfazhanxinlixuedejianjiekanlai，dajiameiyigerendaochushideqingkuangxiaquanshiego-centric，yiziwoweizhongxinerqiejuedequanshijiedouhezishenrongweiyiti。womendoushimanmancaigaoqingchudajiademuqinyuanxiangendajiabingbushiyitide——tamenyouzishendeguannian、ganqinghegerenxingwei，erzheizhongwupinquanshiyudajiabuxiangganerqiedanducunyoude。yinci huanweisikaoshijishangyeshibansuizhewomenyuwaibudechupengerchixufazhanqushiqilaide。

 keshidajiayizhiyeyoucongzishendeshijiaokaolvdebulizhi，huanweisikaobingbingbushiyijianhenrongyibaozhengdeshier。zuixianzhudeshiwomenzaihunyinguanxizhongaiyigerendefangfa：dajiayibanhuiyongzishenxiaidefangfaquaitaren，erbushiyongtamenzuiaidefangfaquaitamen。

1.爱的五种語言

 garychapmanzaitaneibenrexiaoquanqiudethe5lovelanguages(aidewuzhongyuyan)zhongmingquetichuleaidebiaodadedingyi。zaishulideyikaishi，tajiuxushuleyigeyouqiyouqudexiaogushi：yigelaopomaiyuanshuotahelaogongdehunyinshenghuozoulaidaozhongdian，youyutameifaganshoudaolaogongdeai，erlaogongqueganjuetamendehunyinshenghuomeiyouyiqienanti。zhihouchapmancaigaoqingchu：yuanxianlaogongguanjianjieshouaidebiaodafangshishifuwuxiangmudexingdong(actsofservice)，laopomeiridejingxinzhaoliaoshitaganjueshifenruyuanyichang;huazhenzixuntousu，erlaopoguanjianjieshouaidefangweihaowuyiwendeyanyu(wordsofaffirmation)，tadelaogonghuoxuweitafuwuxiangmulexuduo ，keshiquefeichangshaojiyutazuibixudeyuyanshangdehaowuyiwen，yinci tatihuibushangshenai。

 zheijiushiwomenzuiyifandebuzhengque：dajiarenweizishendeguanjianaiyu(guanjianjieshouaidebiaodafangshi)yeyiyangshitarendeguanjianaiyu，quewangjilezhenduiyigeguanjianaiyushishentijiechudereneryan，fahuoshinijideyigexiangyonghenyoukenengyaobinilaibanglingyifangbaquanbudeyifukuzixiledouyeyaoheli。zaiwomenzhenshixuehuifangxiazishen，suihoujindaolingyifangdequanqiu，bianhuigaoqingchuta/tazhenshixuyaoshenme。

 chapmanqiangdiao，dajiawangwanghuiganjueyonglingyifangdeaiyuaidebiaodaneimajiannan，shiyouyuyigewomenbulejiedeaiyurutongyimenbixudajiaxuexipeixundewaiguoyuyiyang，zaibuduanjiaqianghexunlianzhongcaikeyilinghuoyunyong。jugeshili，jiadingnideguanjianaiyushijieshoulipin(receivinggifts)，huanjuhuashuoniyibanjieshouhebiaoshuaidebiaodafangshibianshisongli，danniairendeguanjianaiyushiyongxindeshike(qualitytime)，tazuinengganshoudaoaidebiaodafangshijiushinizhuanxinzhizhideshouhou。neimanihenyoukenengjiuxuyaoxuehaozaitazuibixudeqingkuangxiazaineilipeizheta，zaitajianghuadeqingkuangxiashifenyongxindelingtingjiqihetayiqiquzuotaxiaidajiayiqizuodeshier。henyoukenengnidediyizhijuefanyinghuanshizengjitalipin，keshijiarunibukeyixuehaoyongtazuinengganshoudaodefangfa—yongxinshike—qubiaoshuzheifenai，neimanihuanshihuozai“ni”dequanqiuli，erbushi“dajia”dequanqiu。

2.已经消退的聆听的造型艺术

 huanweisikaodediyibugongzuozhongbianshilingting，danhenyihandeshi，lingtinghaoxiangzaiwomenderichangshenghuozhongyulaiyububeidajiagaoduzhongshi。zhizhixinlixueyiqian，wohaimeiyouyishidao，yuanxianlingting，zhendeshiyimenzaoxingyishu。

 woshiyigexiai“ren”deren，yinci beijingshixuxuduoduodezhutihuodong，wodoushihuibaomingcanjia。wobaomingcanjialechengqianshangwandeyanshuo、shalonghuodong、zhuantijiangzuo、zhanlanhuihebiedezhutihuodong，danfeichangshaojiandaoyoujiaodajiazenyangqingtingdezhutihuodong。youqiquweidejiushiwobaomingcanjiabeijingshiyigeshifenyoumingdeyingwenyanshuojulebuduishichanshengdeshier。

 neiyitianwobaihuiyigejulebudui，suihouzhenghaojiuzuozheyigedangriyeliyouyanshuodeyanjiangrenbianshang。youyutadeyanshuozaiquanbudahuidezuihouyigeyibufen，woyekantazuozhewobianshang，nazhehaoxiangshitafayangaodewupin，suihouyizhengyancidemomodibeigao。shuozhenhuatadeyanshuozhendehenbucuo，nenggoushuochengneitianwanshangwotingjiandezuiquweideyanshuo。keshiwoquezongganjueweitagandaoshiwang，youyutazaizhengzhengdelianggexiaoshidedahuili，yemeiyouxuehuifangxiazishen，quyongxindelingtingguotarenyici……

 zheishiyigexinxihuashidaideshiqi，dajiameiyigerendoujieliqipanfayin，qipanxiangbeyoncedeneishoulistendegezhongchangdedeyiyang：oh,thetimehascome,formydreamstobeheard(e，laidaowodeyuanwangbeitingjiandeqingkuangxiale!)。womenzaipenyouquanzhongbuduandeshaizhezishenderichangshenghuo，xiangguangbojiemuyiyangdeguangbozhezishendeyiqiedongtaixing;womenzaidianhualibunaifandetingzhepenyoudexutao，suihoudenghouzhedaozishenyituweikuaidejihui;dajiameiyounaixintingwanairenshuowantagongzuozhongpengdaodekunhuo，jiujizhejitamentiyijizhebazheiyijianshier“naxia”。

 keshidajiawangjile，dajiabeizheishijietingjiandeqiantitiaojian，shizhongshidajiazuixianyongxindeqingtinglezheishijie。youshehuixinlixuezuoleneiyangyigediaoyan，suihoufajuedajiameiyigerendaogentarenhuihuashi，junzhizaidiyiciqieduantarendeshijianzhishijinyou8miao。

 nikeyijiyuyigerenzuihaoshide，bianshijiangniquanbudezhuanzhulixiangwutaijuguangdengyiyangdekanxiangzheigeren，qingchunideyiqiedianping、tiyi、fenbian、xintaihehuixuanzaininaozhongdeto-dolist，suihoubansuizhenizhuanxinzhizhidelingting，balingyifangdeguannian、ganqinghetihuifangjinnizhengjiederendedanaohexinli，suihouquganshoulingyifangzhenshixiangbiaodadeyisihelingyifangzhenshizailijingdeyiqie。