夫妻怎么挽回婚姻

　　fuqizenmewanhuihunyin，nishifouzhengweijijikeweidehunyinguanxierkunao?shengengbanyeshuazheshoujishang，jiansuozhe“zenyangzhengjiuhunyinshenghuo”，kanjiandebuwaihushi“duojiaoliu”、“yaokuanrong”、“langmanjingxi”zheizhonglaoshengchangtandetiyi?

　　nishiguo，shiba?nidenulizhaohuatiliaotiangoutongjiaoliu，duifangjiuxianqinixutao;nipinlemingduizijishuokuanrong，neixinqueweiqudaobuxing;nijingxinanpailiangrenyuehui，fenweiquenankanderangrenrenbuzhutao。

　　neimenigenghenjuewang：weihehenduorendoushuoyouxiaodebanfa，daoneiwoxianquanshilingle?shihunyinshenghuoqueshimeizhilema?

　　jinri，woxianggaosuniyigeshuaxinnilijiedeshiqing：nizhiqiankanguodeneitao“wanhuihunyindeqigejutifangfa”，henyoukenengqiahaoshijiangniyinxianggengshenyuande“shixiaoqinfen”。tamenjiuxiangzaiyikezaoyibianzhideshumushangshualvqi，kanshangquhuafanyemao，qishihexinzaojiubeizhaganle。

　　zhenzhengyiyishangdezhengjiu，congbushixuejidazhaojiabashide“shu”，fanershiquanxiantongchehunyinshenghuodicengsiweide“dao”。

　　一、为何“多交流”反倒会加快婚姻生活的身亡?

　　juedaduoshuwenzhangneirongdouhuijiang“goutongjiaoliu”fangzaidiyiwei。danzhumingqingganxiufuquanweizhuanjia、xinlixuejiaoshouluobote·geteman(john gottman)zezaijiangjin40nianyanjiuzhongfaxian：zaihunyinwentizhong，69%demaodunshizhangqixingde，genbenmeibanfagenju“goutongjiaoliu”chuli。

　　lingrenhaipadebingbushizhengzhi，fanershi“wuxiaogoutong”。nimendouzaifengkuangdijianghua，quemeirenzaizhenzhengyiyishanglingting。nishuode“goutongjiaoliu”，zaibicierduolimianyoukenengshichize、shimaiyuan、shitiguoqu。meiyicibuzhengquede“goutongjiaoliu”，douzaihunyinshenghuodeshangkouchuzaisayibayan。

　　yinci，zhenzhenzhengzhengdeguanjianbingbushi“duojiaoliu”，fanershi“dongdefeibaoligoutong”。womenyaozuodediyibu，genbenjiubushizhangkou，fanershibishangzui。zhongzhichize(“nizong…”)、fouren(“nicongbu…”)，ershiyi“woshengan…(tihui)，youyuwobixu…(yaoqiu)”dejuxinglaibiaoda。liru，ba“nimeitianjiaban，genbenbuzaiyizheigejiating!”huanwei“wozhendehengudu，youyuxiwangwomennengyougengduozaiyiqideshijian。”zheizaiyebushijingong，fanershirenrangheyaoyue，lingyifangcaiyoukenengxiediaofangyuli，zoujinni。

　　二、为何“一味宽容”是婚姻里最狠的心灵鸡汤?

　　niyidingtingshuoguo“hunyinshideren”zheihua。ranhounijiuchixujiangdidixian，yayizijidexintaiyuxuqiu，renweizheiyangjiukeyihuandeqingkongwanli。

　　danxinlixuezhuanjiawuzhihongcengyizhenjianxuedizhichu：“yayiganxialaiqingxubingbuhuixiaoshi，fanershibianyigengnankandefangfabiaodachulai。”ni“kuanrong”burongyihuandeganxie，zhishihuandeduifangtandewuyangennidemanhuaizenghen。ninengbianchengyigejijiqingxude“shanren”，yeshiyigexinlizhiliposuide“huanzhe”。zheileixubaodehexie，shihunyinshenghuodemoucaihaiming。

　　fuqizenmewanhuihunyin，yinci，zhenzhenzhengzhengdeguanjianbingbushi“yiweikuanrong”，fanershi“chuangjianjiankangdeshenghuojiexian”。hunyinbushi1+1=1，fanershi0.5+0.5=1。dajiafenbiexuediaoyibandeci，bingbushiweilewanquanpipei，gengshiweilegengrongyimiqiexiangshou，tongshiyebiciduli。niyaoyongganbiaodachunidedixian：“woxihuanni，danzheijianshiwobunengjieshou。”yiduanmeiyoubianjiedeaiqing，zhudingshiyichangxianghuzhemodezainan。timiandideqing，cainenghuodezhongshi。

　　三、从“政治斗争”到“共同命运”，是挽回婚姻的最终逻辑思维

　　xuduofuqidexiangchuzhidao，shizhishangshiyichang“zhengzhidouzheng”：jiujingshifeiduicuo?sheigaitingsheide?sheitourudeduo?sheifangqihenshao?dajializaihunyinshenghuodeleitaishang，jiangduifangshizuowubizhanshengdediren。

　　hunyinshenghuojiatingzhiliaoshiaerfulei·peileier(esther perel)tichuleyigetupoxingdejianjie：“jiqingtunquzhihoudehunyinshenghuo，weichitabingbushixiguanxing，fanershi‘yitongxiangxiang’(shared meaning)。”dajiahainengbunengbianchengyigetuandui?shifoujubeigongtongmubiao(lirupeiyanghaohaizi、jibenjiansheyigewennuandejia、yitongdidangwaibianfengxian)?

　　yinci，wanhuihunyindezuizhongfangshi，shizhongzhineihong，zhongshi“dajia”deganjuele。ruguonibuzaijiujieyu“woyinglenaxie”，fanershikaishikaolv“womenyinglenaxie”，quanbujushibianhuihuangrandawu。xiayicizhengzhiqian，xianwenyixiazijiyigewenti：“woshixiangyingdezheichangzhengzhi，haishixiangyaohuodeqinaideren?”