爱是甜的 情商在亲密关系当中到底有多重要？

 aishitiande，rangqingshangzhishangzheiyidingyizhenshixingqideyingguoxinlixuezhuanjiadanielgolemanyiqianzaitadeshulijiangguoneiyangyigegushi。youyitiantazaicanyindianzhongbujingyitingjianbianshangdeliangweinvxinghuihua，tamenzhongdeyigeduilingyigejiangdao：“wogegeyizhizhaobuzhenvyou，taganjuezishenhenyoufengcai，keshiwomingbaitaweihezhaobuzhe。”neimeaishangzenyangderenni?xiamianjiugensuixiaobianyiqilaikankanaishiliudongdedewenzhangba。

“为何?”

 “youyuzhaobuzhenvyou，yinci taqubaomingcanjialeyigedashengpeizhutihuodong。meiyiciliangrenhudongjiaoliudeshijianjinyouliufenzhong，suihounanteyaojiabinjiuquanzidongzhuandaolingyigenvteyaojiabinneibian。jiarunvteyaojiabinduinanteyaojiabinhaijiaoweiyouhaogan，bianhuibalianxidianhuajiaojita。keshiwoqingegeconglaimeiyouhuodeguoyigenvshengdelianxidianhua。”

“那时为什么呢?”

 “youyucongzuozheneibiandeneiyikegangkaishi，wogegebianbuduandeshuotaziji，woganshuotazailiufenzhongyinei，jihuyemeiyouwenguolingyifangyigenanti。”

 yingguonaizhiyouyiweidangdainvzuojianeiyangshuo：“wofenbianxubuxuyaogenyigerenzaiciyouhuideguifan，aishitiande，bianshikantazaiduojiuyineigenwoshuoyigeyi‘ni’zikaishidenanti。”

 danielgolemanhaiyiqianneiyangdianpingqingshangzhishanghelingdaonenglideguanlian：zhilizailingdaonenglizhizhonghenzhongyao，dantazhishiyigemenkan。zhenshiqubiezheixiezhongdengpianshangdeguanlizhehezheixiezuiyouxiudeguanlizhede，you80%-90%shiyoutamendeqingshangzhishanglaijuecede。

 yiqianzai“nisuobuqingchudeqingshanggaoshiqing”deneiyipianwenzhangli，wogendahuoergongxiangleyixiedajiapubiandeduiqingshangzhishangdewuhuiheqingshangzhishangdezhenshijieding。zheierwohaizaijianyideshuoyixiaqingshangzhishangdedingyi。qingshangzhishang(emotionalintelligence)guanjianbaohanxialie4zhonggongzuonengli(youyixiecengcengshenrudeguanlian)：zishenjuexinggongzuonengli—duizishenxintaideganzhinenglierqielejieweihezishenhuizaochengneiyangdexintai;ziwoyueshugongzuonengli—duizishenxintaideguanlifangfahediaozhenggongzuonengli;shehuifazhanjuexinggongzuonengli—duibierenxintaideyizhongganzhinenglierqielejietamenzenmehuizaochengneiyangdexintai;guanlianguanlishuiping—keyihenhaodejiejuehaogenbierendeguanlian。

 congqingshangzhishangdedingyizhongdajiajiukeyifajue，shijishangqingshangzhishangzhenduidajiajiejuegenbierendeguanlianshiyouweizhongyaode，yinci hunyinguanxidoubuchuwai。jinrijoyxianggendahuoertaolunyixiazaihunyinguanxizhongdeqingshangzhishangdeyunyong。

qinaidede，woxiangruheaizheni?

 huanweisikao(empathy)，zheiyitingqilaiyixiebujiediqideshehuixinlixuedingyi，zaiyiqieyiduanguanlianshangdoushifendeguanjian。erzaihunyinguanxizhong，tajibenshangnenggoushuochengyidengguanjiande。yongzuitongsuhuadeyuyaneryan，huanweisikaoshizhinikeyiganshoudaotarendetihui，yizhaolingyifangdeshijiaodulisikaoerqiexiangguanzhuhuoshizhaoliaolingyifangdeyizhongqingkuang。

 congfazhanxinlixuedejianjiekanlai，dajiameiyigerendaochushideqingkuangxiaquanshiego-centric，yiziwoweizhongxinerqiejuedequanshijiedouhezishenrongweiyiti。womendoushimanmancaigaoqingchudajiademuqinyuanxiangendajiabingbushiyitide——tamenyouzishendeguannian、ganqinghegerenxingwei，erzheizhongwupinquanshiyudajiabuxiangganerqiedanducunyoude。yinci huanweisikaoshijishangyeshibansuizhewomenyuwaibudechupengerchixufazhanqushiqilaide。

 aishiliudongde,keshidajiayizhiyeyoucongzishendeshijiaokaolvdebulizhi，huanweisikaobingbingbushiyijianhenrongyibaozhengdeshier。zuixianzhudeshiwomenzaihunyinguanxizhongaiyigerendefangfa：dajiayibanhuiyongzishenxiaidefangfaquaitaren，erbushiyongtamenzuiaidefangfaquaitamen。

GaryChapman在他那本热销全球的The5LoveLanguages(爱的五种語言)中明确提出了爱的表达的定义。在书里的一开始，他就叙述了一个尤其有趣的小故事：一个老婆埋怨说她和老公的婚姻生活走来到终点，由于她没法感受到老公的爱，而老公却感觉她们的婚姻生活沒有一切难题。之后Chapman才搞清楚：原先老公关键接受爱的表达方式是服务项目的行動(actsofservice)，老婆每日的精心照料使他感觉十分如愿以偿;而老婆关键接受爱的方为毫无疑问的言语(wordsofaffirmation)，她的老公或许为她服务项目了许多 ，可是却非常少给与她最必须的语言上的毫无疑问，因此 她体会不上深爱。

 aishangzenyangderen？zheijiushiwomenzuiyifandebuzhengque：dajiarenweizishendeguanjianaiyu(guanjianjieshouaidebiaodafangshi)yeyiyangshitarendeguanjianaiyu，quewangjilezhenduiyigeguanjianaiyushishentijiechudereneryan，fahuoshinijideyigexiangyonghenyoukenengyaobinilaibanglingyifangbaquanbudeyifukuzixiledouyeyaoheli。zaiwomenzhenshixuehuifangxiazishen，suihoujindaolingyifangdequanqiu，bianhuigaoqingchuta/tazhenshixuyaoshenme。