婚姻咨询:你在感情中吃大亏了没有?

1.彼此对感情的投入不一样

 mianfei xiaoguozenmeyang?nihuoxuzhenbuzhidao“zhishaoaihaobiaozhun”(principle of least interest)，danniyidingjushuoguo，“zaiganqingzhonggengtourudeyifang，tongchanggengchidakui”。

 shijishang，shehuixuejiawillard wallermingquetichudezheiyibiaozhunqueshuodeshi，zaiqinmiguanxizhong，zheixietouruyuediderenyouzheyuedadequanli。mianfeihunyinzixunxiaoguozenmeyang?hunyinwentixintaizixunzenmeyang?

它是怎么回事?

 wallerjuede，zheigenbenyuanyinshi，dangyigerenduiganqingtourudedaliang，jiudaibiaotajianghuihuijijidinulidaliang，erzheishijiudaibiaozheiyirenjiang“shibushijienanuli”，“shibushihuifuyitongyangdenuli”dequanlijiaodaolelingyifang;

 ganqingtourudaliang，yedaibiaotaxiangqudaliangchongfenkaolvlingyifangdeyaoqiu，erzheishi，yejiushouyulingyifang(chixu)mingquetichuguidingdequanli(waller,as cited infelmlee,1994)。

 nenggoushuo，chixujijinulidequanguocheng，nanyibimiandijiushishuozaiquanlidetianpingshangchixujilingyifangtishengbiaozhunfamadequanguocheng(heck,2010)。neima，dangbicitourudeshuipingbulingwai，yejiubidinghuizaochengbiciquanlidechabie。

 huoxu，xuduorenhuiyineryouyidijiangdizaiganqingzhongdetouru，yidedaoguanlianzhongdequanliyoudian，kequanliganqueshishirenmenzaiqinmiguanxizhongchangyaoqiudezuizhongmubiaoma?

2.彼此本身所有着的資源存有差别

 youzheziyuandaliangderen，zaiguanlianzhongdouhuiyouzhedaliangdequanli(peplau&campbell,1989)，fengfuduocaiziyuannenggouxiezhutamenqugengduofangmiandicaozongheweihaibieren。

 zaiqinmiguanxizhong，zheileiziyuanjianghuizhideshi，bicidejingjifazhanqingkuang、benshenfengcaijiketiaoxuandebiedelingyibanzheixie，lirufufuzhongshouyigenggaodeyifang，nanyibimiandiduiairenyineidequanbujiazhongdeshouruzhichuqingkuang、xiaofeifangfayougengdadeweihai。

3.也与爱人彼此的能力特长有关

 jiazhongkangfushidarlene lancer(2016)qiangdiao，qinmiguanxizhongquanlidebujunhengyumouyifangdenenglitezhangxiangguan，liru，zheixiedizizunxin、guoduoyikao、danxinbeipaoqiderengengjianghuijijitiaoxuanbianchenglieshideyifang。

 erzheixiegengziwojiandingderen，youyugengnengbiaoshuzishenyaoqiu，buyiweidirangbu，yegengnengzaiguanlianzhonghuoli，yinergengjianghuibianchengguanlianzhongyouzhequanliyoudiandeyifang。

 erbuguanyigerenshijijibiancheng“lieshi”huanshi“youdian”deyifang，tadoushizhanxianchuguanlianzhongdeyizhongquanlibujunheng。quanlidebujunhengmouzhongyiyishangquanshibicidegongshang。

 zhideyitideshi，budandaozhiquanlibujunhengdeyuangubuyiyang，buyiyangairenzhongjiandequanlichabiedechicundoushibuyiyangde。yixieairenzhongjiandequanlichabiegengxiao、gengquxiangjunheng，eryixieairendequanlichabiezegengda。

 zaiyixiexuejialaikan，airenjianquanlidejunhengcaisuanshiguanlianmeimanxingfudebiyaotiaojian(marano,2014)，erzailingyixiexuejiazejuede，gengzhongyaodeshibicikefoujiuguanlianzhongquanlidefenpaidachengxieyi，jiqizheileibujunhengshibushiduiguanliandaozhilehenduofumianxinxideweihai。

 lirutongkuzhenghuoyixieshenglixueshangdebingku(lancer,2016)，zhongjiu，zaishijideguanlianzhong，bicidequanlishimeibanfazuodaojueduidejunhengde。nizaiganqingzhongchidakuilemeiyou?zenyangjunhengzheiyangdeshiqing?

dangquanlibujunhengzaoyidaozhilekunhuoshi，gaizenmebanni?

最先，你必须分辨这类不均衡是不是也有商议调节的概率。

 dangdajiazhongjiandequanlibujunhengzaoyipengchuyuanzexingwentishi，nibixuzuodeshi：liquzheiyiduanguanlian。ninenggenjuxialiezheizhongchanshulaifenbiandajiadeqingkuang：

 ruguonimingquetichunidekunhuohuodajiaguanlianzhongquanlibujunhengdezhuangkuangshi，lingyifangbuxiangyaoyunixianghuchulihuoshizhuyaobiaoxianchubuzaihu，naizhizhizenixiaotidazuo，neimatajiyoukenengshizaiyouxindexiangshoudajiazhongjianquanlidebujunheng，ertashijubeilingnvexingde。

nihaipazaiguanlianzhongzhuyaobiaoxianchuzhenzhengdemoyang，haipabiaoshuzishenzhenzhengdeniantou、tihuihesuojianxindewupin。

另一方下意识地忽视你的要求，并持续向你明确提出规定。

nibuduandetihuidaozhuizhuibuan、jiaolvqingxu、tongkuzheng，guanliandailainidetongchuzaoyixianzhu、dadaduoshuguokaixin。

nigangkaishijuedezishenjiushishuobuzhibeihaohaodidekandaide，jibianliquzheiyiduanguanlian，yeburongyixuduorenhaohaodikandaini。

 dangnidejingyuhuotihuihehuzuoyoudedabufenneirong，henjianghuidajiaguanlianzhongdequanlizaoyizuodaowubibujunheng，nibixulijiliquneiyangdeguanlian。

 nikeyiquexin，buguanheshizishenquanshinenggouguanbiwangzhande，niyouzhezheiyiquanli。erbaozhengzheilei“zishengan”，ganghaozhenduijunhengguanlianzhongdequanliyouweizhongyao(marano,2014)。

 erjiaru，dajiadeguanlianrengweipengchuzheizhongbiaozhun，neimadajiabicibixugongtongfendouzuochudiaojie。nizaiganqingzhongchidakuilemeiyou?zenyangjunhengzheiyangdeshiqing?

劣势的一方能够根据这种调节，得到大量能量：

 zhenchengdairen，shizheziwojiandingdibiaoshuzishendeyaoqiuheniantou，liruruguonichangshihuijuelingyifangdeguidingshi，ninengcong“wo”deshijiaolaichanshu(i statement)，“yemeiyoushijianzuo…”，“wobuyuanyizuo…”。

 zheibingbudengyuniyibuzhongshilingyifang、bukenweidajiadeguanlianzuochurangbu，zhishidaibiaonikeyizaizhongshizishendejibenshanglaizhongshilingyifang。

 jijiqinfentigaoziji。dangdajiazhongjiandequanlibujunhengshiyinweibiciyouzheziyuandechabiesuozaochengde，neimaninengzuochuyixietishengzijideqinfen，liruxuexigongdu、daliangdicanjiashangwuhuodongzheixie。

 fangzhizaiguanlianzhongguoduonuliherangbu。niyuairenzhongjianyingdangshigongpingdehezuoguanxi，nibixuguanniandaobingqinfenfangzhizishenzaiguanlianzhongyijiji、bujifuchudaijiadeziwoxishenglaidedaolingyifangduinidehaogandu、haowuyiwen。

zheibudanzuihouhuishinihaojie，yexudeairenyejianghuihuihuoxudeguoduonulierjuedebeimiaoshi。

强悍的一方能够根据这种调节，均衡彼此的能量：婚姻问题心态咨询怎么样?

nibixuguanniandao，chixudedaodaliangquanlibudanbingbushiqinmiguanxidemudi，haihuiweixiedaodajiaguanliandeweichi。

 queshi，queshiyixieyundonggantingshanglaihenlingrenhaipa，danjiaruneimezuonenggouwomenyiqijinkuaiquailingyifang，tishengbicizaiguanlianzhongdeyouyuegan，neiyoubufangyishini?

 shizheyunideairenkaizhan“fengongxiezuo”，bicinenggouzaishangyidejibenshangzaibuyiyangcengmiangezibiancheng“qianghan”deyifang(lancer,2016)。

 lirunigengshanyutouzilicai，neimazaicaiwuhuijixihuanniyouzhedaliangquanli，ertagengshanyushejiaomeiti，neimazairenjijiaowangdejiejueshangtayouzhedaliangdequanli。

 dongdezuochuyixierangbuherenrang。zheibingfeijiniyouyizuoxienaxie，zhishiruguonishizhequguanzhu、chajueairendeyaoqiu，qinfenrangtatihuidaonidezhongshiyushipeishi，nibianhuishunlichengzhangdizuochuyixierangbu。

 liruruguonitihuidao，nideairenduirujinzheizuochengdezhongaiheduishengshuziranhuanjingdetantebuanshi，nihuoxuhuiduishenzhongkaolvshibushiyaoqianyidaoxindedachengshi。

 yeyoushihou，chulizhipeiquanbujunhengdefangfa，shijienabujunheng、rongxutacunyou。liangrenzhong，zaibuyiyangdeshike，zongyouyigerenbixugengweigongqinglingyigeren，yaoshiyixieshikejiushini、yixieneishihoujiushiwo，neiyangdeshikeduibicieryanchangyou，guanlianzongyouzaicituidongdejiben。

jiaruzaimeishimeikedouyaoqiuquanlidejunheng，jianghuijiuhuichuxianguanliandemeifatuidongheliekai。

 jiarudajiazaiganqingzhongpengdaolefenqimeifachuli，huoshitichufenshou、liyidezhuangkuangxiangwanjiulingyifang，nenggoushenqingbanlirenmenzuijishuzhuanyedelaoshiyiduiyijutizhidao。