很多伴侣不知道，保卫婚姻最核心的是做这件事！

“womendelianaihexinhun，hesuoyouqinglvyiyangfeichangxingfu。woyiweiwomenhuiyizhizheiyangxingfuxiaqu，juedewomenhuihentebie。danbuzhidaocongshenmeshihouqi，womenbianchenglexianzaideyangzi。womenxiguanlebici。womenbuxiangzaiqubiaodaduibicideai”，zheishiyizelangmanshuqingdeguanggao。

hunlishangdeshanmenghaishishizhende，jiehunduonianhoudeyanjuanfaweiyeshizhende。

erzheijiushiaiqingzhongdemoheqi，youxiebanlvdemoheqihenduan，jigeyuejiujinrulehaodexunhuan。youdebanlvzeshimoheleyibeizi，kekebanbandejiangjiuleyibeizi，yemeinengjiangduifangmohechengrangbicishushideyangzi。

wuyi，zheiyangdehunyin，shibuxingfude。

kandaoneixiexiangbanyishengdebanlv，dajiaxinliyehuianxiang：“yaoruhezuowocainengyebeizheiyangdeaiqingjuangu？”

shubuzhi，yueshihengjiuheqinmideaiqing，yuexuyaowomenzaiganqingzhongbuduandemohe。

一、磨合期需要情感的“润滑剂”

1、给予对方尊重

zaixiangchudeguochengzhong，womenduipengyou、tongshi，shenzhimoshengrendouhuibaochiyidingdejuli。

“neizuihou，nimenzenmehaishifenleni？”woshuo。

“yexushibicidebuheshiba。qishizaizheifangmianwomenbingmeiyouhenshenrudegoutong。tacengshuo，yexuneizhongkukudenvhaitahuiduokanyiyan，danshibuhuiyougengduo。womendeganqingyizhihenhao，danshiyifangmiantayouhenbunengjieshouwodeyourouguaduan，zongjuedewoxiangdetaiduoyongrenzirao。youshihouwoyehuijuedehenshoushang，buzhidaoshiwoyinggaicongmougedifangkaishigaibian，haishirangtaduolijiewoyixia。”

xiaoliudehuazhongyoudandandekunhuo。

“xianzaidewoyebutaiqingchudangchuwozhenzhengxiyintadedaodishishenme，yebuzhidaotadaodixihuannayangdenvhai。huoxuzhishiruorenshengzhiruchujiandecuojueba，womendelianaijiushizheiyang。shuodehaotingyidian，henqiaomiaodekaishi，yehenqiaomiaodegaobie。buhaotingdeshuo，yejiushixilihutudejiujieshule。”

tingdunlehaoyihuier，xiaoliucaishuochutadexinlihua：“qishiyouyidianyihan，yexushiwomensheidoumeiyoukuachuneiyibu，yudaolecuozhejiuxiangwanghoupao，xiangzhekenenghuiyougengshihezijideren，meiyoushizheweiduifangergaibianba。”

shuodaozheili，wotingchuletayuqidewanxi。

youyijuhuashizheiyangshuode，“wodeyoudianyeshiwodequedian。”

zailianaideguochengzhong，xuduorendouhuiyihuozijideaiqingshibushibianyangle。

meijianshidouyouzhengfanliangmian，xiangxiang，dangchuduifangshiyinweishenmexiyindaonideni？ qinggannantihenxinlei？10skuaisushenqingqingganzhenduan！

biru，nijuedetalangmanyouya，keshiniyoufaxian，tadetaiguosuixingheduishenghuodemeiyoujihuarenulezuoshijingjingyoutiaodeni；nijuedetatitiewenrou，keshitadeyourouguaduanlingnizheji。

2、求大同存小异

pengyoumenjuhui，lilijicitucaoguotadelaogonghezijixiangchudemouxieshenghuoxiaoxijie，yuqijiandoushiduizhei“yidijimao”debukanrenshou。

lilidetucaoxiangyifushengdongdegerensuxie，chenggongdeyongzijidebiaozhundingzhuleneixieshenghuozhongdecucaoxijie。

erzaizuodepengyoushashibianchenglexinxiandeningmengjing，juedezheishililizaihuashixiuenai。

yinweizaipengyoumendeyanzhong，tayouxiuerruya，duiyutadeweiren，yong《shijing》zhongdeneiyiju“qianqianjunzi，wenrunruyu”，zaiheshibuguo。

taweirenchenwenhexu，jiuxiangyikuaishenchenrunzedeyu，congneizaisanfachuyizhongkuanhouwenrundeguangmang。

daduoshurendouganjuehetaxiangchuqingsongyukuai，meiyouzhongzhongdebaofu。tahaoxiangyouzhongyushengjulaideqizhi，xiyinzhenifangxiazijidejiamian。zuizhongyaodeshi，ganshoudaozijiyixie“bugouhao”detezhidoukeyibeibaorongyunxu。

danqiaqiashitadebaorong，rangrenmenkandaolezijishenshangzhei“bugouhao”deyibufen。

erlilizaitucaodeshihou，pianpianjiuduitasuoyoudeneixieyoudian“xuanzexingshiyi”。

jiuxiangfulankelinsuoshuode：

“jiehunyiqianzhengdanideshuangyan，jiehunyihoubishangnideyizhiyanjing。”

heairendexiangchuguochengzhong，qishiyijingjingliguoleshijiandejianyan。nilejieduifangshigezenyangderen，renpin、xinggenidoukanzaixinli，duiyushenghuozhonglianrendexiaomaobing、xiaomoca，wanquankeyibujinjinjijiao。

hunyinshiliangzhongbutongjiatingwenhuadejiehe。liangrenconglianaishidexiangshixiangzhidaoyiqishenghuo，gerenshijiebianchengleerrenshijie。

bicidejiazhiguan、shenghuofangshi、xiaofeiguanniandengdengdoubeirouhejinlezheiduanguanxi，ruguoyifangqiangqiulingyifanggaibian，jihushiqiangrensuonan。

qishisuoweideheshi，jiushilianggerendexianghuqianjiuhegaibian，zheidangzhongyidingxuyaoyizhongkuanrongzhixinhefaxianduifangyoudiandenengli。

qishifuqiguanxiyeshiyizhongaideyishu，yexuyaojiqiaohefangfa：guanzhuduifangdeganshou，huxianggoutong，qiudatongcunxiaoyi，bicimohe，erbushiqiangpoduifanggaibian。

yinweiaiqingshiyijianlianggerendamodeyishupin。

womenkenengtingshuoguohenduorenkouzhongde“honghonglieliedeaiqingshujilexianshidepingdanwuqi”，bufangjiangaiqingbizuoyizhumeilidehua，zaitamengyachusheng，taxuyaoxinaizhirenbushideguangaifeiliao；zhuozhuangzhishi，yexuyaochaoxidejiaoshuihehu。

xiangfande，ruguowomencongweidalizheiaiqingzhihua，qishishiduizheiduanqinmiguanxidesunhao。

duiyiduohuachaoxideguangai，qishijiuxiangshiwomenduilianrenjiguazhedeneifenxinqing。yinweizheifenxinqing，qishiwomenkeyijishenghuogengduoeryishigan，rangduifangganjuedaonidejigua、guanhuai，rangzheifenaiqingzaishenghuozhongmocadepijuandedaofangsongheshenghua。

文|柳橙芝